My Friend Raja

What Raja has taught me about aging, friendship, and the Dao

My friend, Raja, is getting old.

Yes, he remains ceaselessly curious and still wakes up each day full of enthusiasm, ready to explore and experience whatever the day might offer. He is excited and spontaneous about the details of life. Still loves walks, visits from friends, time in the garden, sunrises and sunsets, mealtime (anyone’s), and especially full moons.

Especially full moons.

He is content and delighted just hanging out with his people, whether human or cat. He forgives instantly. He loves easily and expresses that love wholeheartedly, without reservation or strategy. There is no withholding in him. No keeping score. No waiting to see if it’s safe.

That said, he wakes up a bit gimpy now. He softly moans sometimes in a way he never did before. He takes a moment before standing, chooses his steps more carefully, and pauses to gather himself. And, if possible, he seems more attached to me than ever. He leans in closer. Gets jealous of others more easily. Follows more faithfully. Looks back more often, as if to make sure we are still walking the path together.

Raja is a rescue, so we are not entirely certain of his age. We’ve been together since April 2015, and he was supposedly about a year and a half old when our lives first crossed. That would make him around twelve and a half now, give or take. Old enough to be slowing down. Old enough to be teaching even more wisely.

The Celts spoke of the anam cara, a soul friend. I have often felt that dogs move naturally in this realm. They do not care about our accomplishments, opinions, or identities. They accompany our being. Through changing seasons, joys and losses, health and illness, they remain present. Raja has been such a friend for me.

Walking beside Raja these days, I feel my own aging more clearly. Not as a problem to solve, but as something to listen to. We both wake a little stiffer. We both take a moment before moving fully into the day.

Still, slowing down has become less of a loss and more of a teacher. Daoism reminds us of the Great Teacher: Change. I feel that teacher close now, working gently on both of us. Watching what was dissolve, I am present to what is.

Meanwhile, Raja is my teacher too.

Raja doesn’t resist what his body is doing. He rests when he needs to rest, moves when it’s time to move, and meets each moment as it arrives. In the Daoist view, this is not resignation; it’s alignment. Watching him, I feel my own grip soften. Aging, I’m learning, isn’t a failure of will or vitality. It’s a conscious return to the larger movement that carries birth, growth, decline, and death as a single, continuous flow.

There is a deep gratitude that comes with this. The more I settle into the larger movement, the more precious this life, this moment, becomes. Because things ache, they gather attention, tending and kindness. Because nothing is permanent, everything is gratefully received. Walking slowly with Raja, this no longer feels like philosophy. It feels like lived truth.

What I am learning from Raja is not complicated, but, for me, it is profound.

Be totally present to the moment.

Raja is never half-here. When he walks, he walks. When he rests, he rests. When he looks at you, you feel seen. He does not rehearse the past or plan the future. He meets what is actually happening, fully and without distraction.

Greet those you love with great enthusiasm.

Every reunion matters. Every return is worthy of celebration. Even if it has only been five minutes. Especially if it has only been five minutes.

Always return to your natural state of happiness.

Raja may ache. He may move slowly. But his default setting is joy. He does not build an identity around pain. He rests, he adjusts, and then he returns, again and again, to his essential happiness.

Live life as if each day is an adventure.

Not because it is grand, but because it is alive. A walk is not just a walk. A breeze is not just a breeze. It is this day’s adventure.

Immediately and completely forgive.

No grudges. No resentment. No story about what should have happened. Let it dissolve. Return to the loving connection.

Be unconditionally loving.

Love without bargaining. Love without testing. Love without fear of loss.

Look at people so they can see your soul in your eyes.

Raja’s gaze is direct, open, and undefended. Soul full.

Jump up and down when experiencing joy.

Joy wants a body. Let it move you. Let it be visible. Let it be ridiculous if it needs to be.

Play makes everything better.

Even aging. Even pain. Even grief.

Drink lots of water.

Seriously.

The Dao doesn’t hurry us forward or push us back. It simply invites us to yield. To go with, and cherish, the flow. To wander free and easy through all the transformations, all the phases, of our life. To experience whatever is changing as part of the Way.

Raja seems to know this already. I’m still learning. But for now, we’re learning together.